Undisputable Biz-Stats™ Rankings

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Bizarro
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Undisputable Biz-Stats™ Rankings

Post by Bizarro » Thu Jul 19, 2018 9:26 am

I was bored, here you go.

Tier 1 (Literal Gods)
Aiur Storms: Ruckle is the best goalie, Lightning is "top 3", Adonis is the best probe (this season), and Darkangel was in top form for like 20 ELO games. This is truly a recipe for success beyond our wildest dreams, and I would be thoroughly disappointed if this team didn't go undefeated with such a large gap between them and their nearest competitor. Just rename the franchise to the Golden State Storms.
Offense: Orange Juice
Defense: DA plays this, or so I've been told
Goalie: Ruckle
Server Flexibility: 30 ping Gnomes

Tier 2 (Title Contenders)
New Gettysburg Flyers: The Flyers should do great this season, as long as Peter shows up and Kaigo M.D. or I don't have to play. Feeding Kwakster with some spicy Peter snipes mixed in should amount to a solid offense against a fairly weak field of goalies. Blitzerg might have some training to do but surely his experience will bode well with this veteran team and he should end up in the top half of goalies with the likes of Wheme, Elharion, and Perplex starting at the position for other franchises. And of course Guerilla has the potential to have another DPOTY caliber season with similar sign-ups to S11, where he generally only had to defend against one major offensive threat.
Offense: A
Defense: A-
Goalie: B-
Server Flexibility: B-

Zerus Redlings: The Redlings obtained quite the formidable one-two-punch in the form of Dustdevil and Zachsmack. I feel like Zach is just the kind of do-it-all guy you'd want for Dust to really shine in a full offensive role without others stepping on his toes. However after the dynamic duo, their lack of depth really shows. I personally feel like Alerteyes is the 3rd best skater on this team, however since Sly is skater locked and high ping EUs round out the roster you don't really have much option other than to put Alert in goal. While he is surely a formidable goalie across all servers, it begs the question: which of those other guys can really step up and have the most impact skating in the 3rd spot? Likely Sly.
Offense: A+
Defense: C+
Goalie: B
Server Flexibility: B+

Tier 3 (Playoff Teams)
Korhal War Pigs: Korhal has some un-rusting to do across the board, but like NGF should their starting lineup be present they will have a good chance to win just about every game. A team of veterans (and from what I've seen: friends) who can play to their strengths, lead by an in-form Vapour, is a team that can definitely contend for the title. However it isn't always sunshine and rainbows in the retirement home... and due to some questionable drafting Perplex is on track to goalie their whole season. This will probably leave them with their back-side uncomfortably exposed, unless of course iFound breaks his sign-up contract (and doesn't share Cody's disdain for Vapour).
Offense: A
Defense: B-
Goalie: C (B- if iFound plays 7 games)
Server Flexibility: B

Shakuras Inquisition: Nobody ever expects the Full West Team... except basically every time Watermelon is an owner. I don't really see why he needed to draft Umbreon after securing Carlito+Himself, as that would surely be enough firepower to secure 6/7 west games at home and slide into the playoffs. But I guess we'll see how it plays out when their top 3 skaters get 80+ms for 7 away games. Hopefully Gandalf doesn't lose his marbles and Cody continues his trend of only quitting every-other season so they can maintain some balance of server flexibility and goal security.
Offense: West A+ | East B
Defense: West B | East B-
Goalie: B-
Server Flexibility: D+

Tier 4 (Fighting for that spot)
Kaldir Yetis: A super well rounded and balanced team, thanks no doubt in part to Tom, Jmoney, and Sleek all being drafted late (imo). Tom and Swift surely have some chemistry together from winning last season, and should become a formidable core for this team. Bulb should be in the running for the spot of #2 goalie this season and should definitely have a head up on the competition should this team stick to winning ways as most expect them to. JMoney and Sleek provide some server flexibility as 3rd skaters and motivations should be high for these Gozacordians to practice and compete more-so than they may have in the past; maybe they can get a little rivalry brewing. All-in-all I don't see any glaring issues with this team, and although I don't think they'll have the most one sided victories, they should be able to consistently produce a great deal of Ws.
Offense: B+
Defense: :haruhi$: B
Goalie: B+
Server Flexibility: B+

Char Meleons: Like Percial, I believe Eric was the best player in this draft, and after playing with him in a scrimmage and his swagger causing ME to have 130 points, I think I'm going to stand by that belief. Eric will certainly have his choice of options to work with here, having 2D and Mets interchangeable throughout the season and even potentially lacing up as a 3 man squad should create some of the most explosive games we might see all season. Lime poking in from over the pond and Percial+Undertaker from the Pacific should give them all the flexibility they need to build around this insane 3 player rotational core. The only real weakness I see for this team is Elharion, as he is known to brown-bed it up on West and well, anywhere else given the opportunity. Hopefully some of the top5-esque talent on this team can rub off and point him in the right direction so as to not kill this team.
Offense: A+
Defense: B+
Goalie: B-
Server Flexibility: B-

Tier 5 (xd)
Tarsonis City Tigers: TCT reunites longtime buds Three and Tenkz as the star duo of this franchise. Unfortunately it's only a matter of time until one of them quits or the other gets banned... maybe. I don't think these guys are particularly the problem with this franchise but more-so the rest of the roster. Their (likely) starting goalie Wheme is still unproven and hasn't posted any Goalie stats even in probe, let alone ZHL. Poodle is naturally gifted and is sure to be their 3rd skater on East, but this just creates a positional cluster-f... you're likely resorting to 1st round Tenkz playing 3rd man for a Newb goalie? That's sure to cause some Tilers. Beyond the starting 4, their depth isn't exactly improving on any of those. Prof is their primary West replacement for Poodle, but like Wheme he hasn't exactly posted any skating statistics in ZHL that I know of, but he was drafted 3rd round over proven west players like Peter or Daggius. I don't expect to see any Moose appearances like the past 3 seasons, and Cubs just feels like a last resort if Wheme fails and Prof can't goalie off-server (or someone gets banned). I could see all these options being explored throughout what is sure to be an eventful season to watch for TCT.
Offense: A
Defense: B
Goalie: C
Server Flexibility: C+
Jerseys: F

The opinions and grading provided is genuine, however the ranking order and tiers were determined in a bit of an unorthodox (and memeable) fashion; shown here: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/ ... edit#gid=0
Last edited by Bizarro on Thu Jul 19, 2018 2:07 pm, edited 3 times in total.
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Gandalf
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Re: Undisputable Biz-Stats™ Rankings

Post by Gandalf » Thu Jul 19, 2018 10:42 am

I'm an A+ goalie. Why do I keep getting these failing grades??!!
DiemodsLOL
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Re: Undisputable Biz-Stats™ Rankings

Post by DiemodsLOL » Thu Jul 19, 2018 11:08 am

8 large meat lovers w/ extra cheese dominoes pizza's were harmed in creating this post.
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ZachSmack
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Re: Undisputable Biz-Stats™ Rankings

Post by ZachSmack » Fri Jul 20, 2018 1:32 am

Lol you made a team rankings system based off of ELO that's an interesting way to do it!
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Re: Undisputable Biz-Stats™ Rankings

Post by JMoney » Fri Jul 20, 2018 8:07 am

ispy is easily the 2nd best goalie this season, shakuras deserves a ruckle- goalie rating at the lowest.
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Re: Undisputable Biz-Stats™ Rankings

Post by iSpyGecko » Fri Jul 20, 2018 4:12 pm

stop meme me
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